Sunday, March 29, 2009

the paintbrush

I keep my paintbrush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn't show.

I'm so afraid to show you,
Afraid of what you'll do - that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I'm afraid I might lose you.

I'd like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.

So if you'll be patient and close you eyes,
I'll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.

Now my coats are stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold.
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.

I need to save my paintbrush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case someone don't understand.

So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paintbrush with me
Until I love me, too.

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I got this poems from a book called "A shot of inspiration" by Rob Buckingham.
The 1st time I read it, it really touched me... I can truly understand how the writer felt, coz I feel the same way too...

Sometimes it can be scary to let the real you show... but when there's someone love you enough, and you can trust that person enough to show who you really are... and yet that person would still love you no matter what they saw... I think, the heart pounding step of stripping our masks would be worth to go through...

But the question is, how would you know if they don't change their minds after seeing the real us? The real me...



PS: For those people who love me unconditionally, you are gifts that I don't deserve, but I'd cherish in my life... Thanks for being there for me when things getting though and when I need friends to share my laughter with... ;) you know who you are... all of u... Thank you...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

white lies = black lies

Hmm... can't think of any better title for this posting...
(Btw, I wonder why I've always ended up writing in English.. padahal maunya dalam bahasa indo lohhh) hehehe :p

Yep, today I wanna write about lies....
Not wanting to judge anyone... juz a bit disappointed, coz lately I've been trying to hide and run away from the truth and light... And one of the easiest way to hide is by covering things with lies... No matter what kind of lies it is, white or black, they are all the same, they are lies... and i know it's wrong to lie, so why would I still do it then??
As I mentioned before, yes, it's easier to cover the truth and juz hide in those lies...
Ironically, lies can be comforting as well... coz we can run away from the main problem and the best thing is others won't know the truth if we don't tell them...

Can you remember the last time you lied??
Was is last year? Was it last month? Last week? Yesterday? Just now?!
Who did you lie to?
Do you remember how you feel??
I don't know with you, but I felt terrible after lying... Even though I wasn't lying, I didn't tell the truth... and it really bothers me.... I don't really realise and know, since when I let my self to accept that it's ok to lie...

One thing I know... and certain...
Lying is very tiring... it's addictive as well... coz once you tell a lie, you'll tell another one to cover the 1st lie, and you'll tell more to cover up every lies you've told...
And living like this is far from being peaceful...
So today, I promise my self that I would not try to run away by lying anymore...
It'll be best to tell the truth... or if I can't tell the truth, I'd better keep silent rather than telling a lie....
It might be scary, when you've done something wrong and admit it, rather than covering it up with a lie.... at least, when you're genuinely sorry and ask for forgiveness, you'll be forgiven and live in peace.... rather than hiding in the lies we've created and got trapped by them, never knowing we could've been forgiven if we asked for it...

Well, it's your choice...
Today, I've made my decision...
Now, it's your turn...

Monday, March 09, 2009

simple things about life

Hey, i'm back...
Juz wanna share my stories, what I did today...
Didn't do much today, as usual, slept late and woke up late...
I went to drop my bf to the station and then saw my girlfriend afterwards...
Havent seen her for couple of weeks, got a lot to update each other with :p

Hmm... can't really remember what I was inspired with from our conversation, but it got me wanting to post up something tonite...
As usual, my posting is never to far from talking bout life...
Lately, I've been frustrated with my everyday life....
I don't know what causes it, but lately I have no energy and motivation to do stuffs... even to get out of bed... so don't expect me to be cheerful at work... I'm far from it!
Which annoys me sometimes, coz I know I used to be the opposite... I can be full of energy and even motivate others... and I really hate to be so grumpy all the time... all the things that I do feels always wrong... and I really wanna get out of this...

Anyway, the thing I was inspired to write on this blog is that the fact that in life... even though sometimes life seems too hard to live, it's not all bad...
It's like when a mother gets so upset and annoyed by her children, at the same time, the children give her strength to keep going and move on... give her joy and make her to be able to smile and laugh again...
It's like when a girl disappointed by her friends... got backstabbed by people she trusts... there's a guy who always stand by her side... makes her smile and wipe her tears away...
This thing about life that makes me can't give up to live...
It's so misterious sometimes... when u wanna give up and thought that u can't even move another one more step, there's always something (even a very little tiny simple thing) that give u that sparks to ur life, so ur fire never stops burning... and before you knew it, another day has passed and you are ready to go to bed and another day is waiting for you...

So for whoever you are... thanks for reading this post... and i pray for you so u'll have the hope, that "something" which gives u spark and keeps u going...
Tell u what, sometimes u don't realise what that is, or who that is, but there's always something or someone... coz i know, deep down we always need someone else, or something else, to be complete.

-THE END-