Graduation Day

Almost a year ago... on Dec 17th, 2008... I experienced what my friends experienced today...
My graduation ceremony...

I can still remember how I felt that day... though I already left uni for half a year and have already worked in the industry, the spirit that was firing in the ceremony really lifted my spirit up...

After been working for 9 months, things changed...
I have forgotten how I felt on that day... the day of my graduation...
When I was innocently thinking like a common fresh graduate, that I can change the world and make it as a better place... full of hope... with an almost prefect vision...
I can't believe that working for less than a year can actually kill all those dreams...
Losing the spirit...

But... that night.. on that very moment... on my graduation ceremony night...
It brought back the spirit... that very spirit of fresh graduates...
Full with innocent, hope and a little bit of arrogance...
I thought I knew everything, but then I realised that what i knew is only a very little part of the big picture...

Finally...
What I wanted to say is CONGRATULATIONS to all my friends who are graduating today, or this month... you are all deserve the walk on that podium... after all these years... all those hard works... countless sleepless nights... days when redbull or coffee are your best friends...

Congratulations... and don't forget to keep on dreaming and reach your own dream!! ^^

if tomorrow never comes

Ok, I know you've heard it sumwhere... probably from a song sang by Ronan Keating??
But have you ever really thought about the message hidden behind this phrase??

Tonite, I have just come back from my high school friend's house...
Her mum has just passed away this morning... (Turut berduka cita yg sedalam2nya, Nis) :(
She told me what happened at the end of her mum's life...
She has been very ill for a while... and her condition has been pretty steady lately...
But this morning, her dad called her to come to the hospital to see her mum, coz she got worse... time is running short...
but my friend didn't know that... she took her time...
until it's too late for her to see her mum before she closes her eyes for the last time....
*sigh*
What can i say to console her??
Nothing much, really...
I've never been in this situation before, so she'd think that I wouldn't know how it feels....
I can only let her know, that she shouldn't blame herself for something she doesn't know is going to happen...

Then...
I thought of my own situation....
How have I treat my mum this morning??
It's definitely far from respect.... :(
I should be ashamed of myself... and I am now...
I think, God want to remind me... that second chance rarely comes twice... so I should grab any chances which lie in front of me as much as I could...
I would be really2 sorry to myself if tomorrow never comes... and I wouldn't be able to ask my mum's forgiveness and show her respect she deserves...

In the last couple of weeks, my mood is getting unstable....
I got pretty sensitive and annoyed by little things...
And to make situation worse, my voice is getting to its highest pitch pretty quickly too...
I don't know where I got that anger from, but I'm like a ticking bomb, just waiting to be ignited...
Today might be a reminder God sent me, so that I'll learn from it...
I've gone back to the old me... the ME who I used to hate... or the ME who used to hate myself...
who likes to take things for granted.... who doesn't know how to give thanks... who never satisfied on everything which has been given by God...
It's another reminder,
that life is short....
that we live this life only once...
that whatever we try to collect from this world is not eternal...
that every morning, we have a second chance to things differently and make a difference in people's lives...
that true friends are much more precious than gold or the newest trend or the coolest car
that life... isn't as bad as I used to think...
that by living, I'll get to know Him more... and get to appreciate Him and His creations more...

Thank you Lord for all the second chances you've given me....
Your presence each day is more than enough for me... Amen.

rainbow

Hey, I've got a question... When is the last time you saw a rainbow??
I'd proudly answer that question by saying, "This afternoon!!"...

Yep... today, I saw a rainbow.. After dropping my boss off, I looked up, and it was there!
I was trapped in a traffic, but it was worth it... I even had a time to glance back and saw the person in the car behind me was looking up and smiling that he can see the rainbow... :)

Yea... I haven't been enjoying the sky for quite a long time... I used to like to look up and amazed by what I found... sometimes it'll be a dark grey colour with many different shades.... or it can be reddish colour during sunset... or it can be pitch dark decorated by sparkling of the stars... The sky almost never look the same each day... I've always amazed by the creativity of the Creator... What a great Artist... :)

Something Beautiful (by Natalie Grant)

I heard this song played on the radio and somehow it really touched my heart... So, I wanna share it with all of you who I believe will find this song to be a blessing... Listen to the lyric carefully and know that it's true... God really loves you and me...

-------------------------------------------------------

This is a song for anyone whose ever been
Knocked down and can't get up again
Stuck in the corner, can't move forward
All alone and you think you're going nowhere
This is a song for anyone whose ever stood underneath the sun
And felt so small, two feet tall and so out of place

'Cause He sees you - He knows you - He loves you
And He wants you to know that

The life that you've been living, the days that you've been given
Were made for something beautiful
Life - don't let it pass you by
Because you were created for something beautiful

Heaven holds a dream that's just for you
And there are things only you can do
So step by faith, put the past away
It'll take you to a better day
Second to minute to hour to life
Time it always seems to fly
It's on the go and before you know
Your days are through

But he sees you - He knows you - He loves you
And he wants you to know that

The life that you've been living, the days that you've been given
Were made for something beautiful
Life - don't let it pass you by
Because you were created for something beautiful

What are - you waiting for
What are you - waiting for
What - are you waiting for
Something Beautiful
What are - you waiting for
What are you - waiting for
What are you waiting for
Something Beautiful!

Something Beautiful - Natalie Grant

who's gonna come to after you?

I think I haven't been writing for a while.... I mean I wrote something here.... but not like I used to... somehow, since what's happened last year, I became a different person....

Anyway, there's one thing I wanna write about, after watching a movie called "Passenger"...
At first, I thought it was either an action or a horror movie, but it turned out to be something a bit mysterious and dramatic as well...
I'm not gonna tell you what it's about, but one thing that stuck in my mind after watching that movie is...
Ok, I'm gonna tell u juz a bit of the movie so you would understand what I'm talking about.... There was a plane crashed and none of the passengers survived.... Some of them didn't realise that they are dead and they try to live their life as normal... until they got "picked-up" by the souls of their love ones who have passed away before them... For example, there's a girl whom her parents who died when she was 6, came to get her "home".... and there's a guy, whom his grandpa and his dog, came to take him "home" as well....

It's just, after watching it, my mind started to wonder.... who's gonna come after me when I die? Especially when I die first... that's mean no one will come and I'll be lost???
Stupid thinking, I know... but I couldn't help it... till all of a sudden, I remember...
I know someone will come... at least, there will be one person... if you know me, you know who I'm talking about.... Yep... I was reminded, that Jesus will be there... He'll walk me home.... and suddenly I'm in peace... :)

Hahaha... I know it's such a silly thought... but won't you feel good when at last you can be certain of it?? When at the end, when the time comes, you'll know who you're expecting to see.... you know you don't have to be afraid and you know that you have a good reason to be peaceful??

Masak.. Masak...

Hmm... lama juga ya gw ga nulis di blog ini...
Maklum, dah mayan sibuk skrg.... Walo ga jelas sih sibuk ngapain... hehehe :p

Klo ada yg notice n ngikutin perkembangan blog gw...
Belakangan gw ada nambah beberapa link yg isinya resep2 masakan...
Ga tw kenapa, belakangan gw mulai punya motivasi buat masuk dapur lagi n masak...
Rasanya dah hampir setaon gw ga masak proper... (klo masak indomie sih sering... wakakak)
Dan mulai skrg, gw make a pledge buat masak at least 1 masakan in a week...
Ga mo telalu ambisius.... ntar telalu banyak pengen nyoba resep ini-itu, akhirnya ga masak ama skali.. hahaha...

Jadi, ya gitu deh...
Maybe in the future, gw bakal share fotonya en resepnya skalian... :p
Masi ga pede neh ama masakan gw...
Org yg ga tau, mgkn kirain gw pelit, tiap masak ga mau bagi2....
But gw simply takut org laen ga suka... so far sih edible.... huehehe :p

Ya sud, gw cabut dulu deh... Ciao! ^________^

the paintbrush

I keep my paintbrush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn't show.

I'm so afraid to show you,
Afraid of what you'll do - that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I'm afraid I might lose you.

I'd like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.

So if you'll be patient and close you eyes,
I'll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.

Now my coats are stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold.
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.

I need to save my paintbrush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case someone don't understand.

So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paintbrush with me
Until I love me, too.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I got this poems from a book called "A shot of inspiration" by Rob Buckingham.
The 1st time I read it, it really touched me... I can truly understand how the writer felt, coz I feel the same way too...

Sometimes it can be scary to let the real you show... but when there's someone love you enough, and you can trust that person enough to show who you really are... and yet that person would still love you no matter what they saw... I think, the heart pounding step of stripping our masks would be worth to go through...

But the question is, how would you know if they don't change their minds after seeing the real us? The real me...



PS: For those people who love me unconditionally, you are gifts that I don't deserve, but I'd cherish in my life... Thanks for being there for me when things getting though and when I need friends to share my laughter with... ;) you know who you are... all of u... Thank you...

white lies = black lies

Hmm... can't think of any better title for this posting...
(Btw, I wonder why I've always ended up writing in English.. padahal maunya dalam bahasa indo lohhh) hehehe :p

Yep, today I wanna write about lies....
Not wanting to judge anyone... juz a bit disappointed, coz lately I've been trying to hide and run away from the truth and light... And one of the easiest way to hide is by covering things with lies... No matter what kind of lies it is, white or black, they are all the same, they are lies... and i know it's wrong to lie, so why would I still do it then??
As I mentioned before, yes, it's easier to cover the truth and juz hide in those lies...
Ironically, lies can be comforting as well... coz we can run away from the main problem and the best thing is others won't know the truth if we don't tell them...

Can you remember the last time you lied??
Was is last year? Was it last month? Last week? Yesterday? Just now?!
Who did you lie to?
Do you remember how you feel??
I don't know with you, but I felt terrible after lying... Even though I wasn't lying, I didn't tell the truth... and it really bothers me.... I don't really realise and know, since when I let my self to accept that it's ok to lie...

One thing I know... and certain...
Lying is very tiring... it's addictive as well... coz once you tell a lie, you'll tell another one to cover the 1st lie, and you'll tell more to cover up every lies you've told...
And living like this is far from being peaceful...
So today, I promise my self that I would not try to run away by lying anymore...
It'll be best to tell the truth... or if I can't tell the truth, I'd better keep silent rather than telling a lie....
It might be scary, when you've done something wrong and admit it, rather than covering it up with a lie.... at least, when you're genuinely sorry and ask for forgiveness, you'll be forgiven and live in peace.... rather than hiding in the lies we've created and got trapped by them, never knowing we could've been forgiven if we asked for it...

Well, it's your choice...
Today, I've made my decision...
Now, it's your turn...

simple things about life

Hey, i'm back...
Juz wanna share my stories, what I did today...
Didn't do much today, as usual, slept late and woke up late...
I went to drop my bf to the station and then saw my girlfriend afterwards...
Havent seen her for couple of weeks, got a lot to update each other with :p

Hmm... can't really remember what I was inspired with from our conversation, but it got me wanting to post up something tonite...
As usual, my posting is never to far from talking bout life...
Lately, I've been frustrated with my everyday life....
I don't know what causes it, but lately I have no energy and motivation to do stuffs... even to get out of bed... so don't expect me to be cheerful at work... I'm far from it!
Which annoys me sometimes, coz I know I used to be the opposite... I can be full of energy and even motivate others... and I really hate to be so grumpy all the time... all the things that I do feels always wrong... and I really wanna get out of this...

Anyway, the thing I was inspired to write on this blog is that the fact that in life... even though sometimes life seems too hard to live, it's not all bad...
It's like when a mother gets so upset and annoyed by her children, at the same time, the children give her strength to keep going and move on... give her joy and make her to be able to smile and laugh again...
It's like when a girl disappointed by her friends... got backstabbed by people she trusts... there's a guy who always stand by her side... makes her smile and wipe her tears away...
This thing about life that makes me can't give up to live...
It's so misterious sometimes... when u wanna give up and thought that u can't even move another one more step, there's always something (even a very little tiny simple thing) that give u that sparks to ur life, so ur fire never stops burning... and before you knew it, another day has passed and you are ready to go to bed and another day is waiting for you...

So for whoever you are... thanks for reading this post... and i pray for you so u'll have the hope, that "something" which gives u spark and keeps u going...
Tell u what, sometimes u don't realise what that is, or who that is, but there's always something or someone... coz i know, deep down we always need someone else, or something else, to be complete.

-THE END-

a reflection on life

Hmm... sumhow lately, I have a lot of time to reflect on my life (yea, life is my favourite topic...)
Well, I didn't reflect particularly only on my life, but probably more about life in general...

Yesterday, my friend's daughter celebrated her 2nd birthday... And the adults were all busy preparing the food, clean up the house and do other things related to the party...
While the bdae girl didn't seem to realise that we're doing all these stuffs for her sake...
She was tired due to lack of sleep from the previous night and not in a good mood due to the hot weather... (ohh, poor little nat2...) She was cranky a few times and created some troubles for herself... Because she was cranky, her mum was getting annoyed and mad... and came the thunder!
If you have been in that kind of situation, you'll know what I mean... hot day, tired, limited preparation time... not a good combination for a 2 year old party....
Anyway, while I was helping (didn't do much since I was lack in energy as well), I was thinking... How ironic this situation is... the mum (no offense here... buat yg ngerasa, jangan tersinggung...) tried to do her best to make her daughter happy... She thought she'll give the best for her kid... when in fact, what her daughter really needed is her time, her attention, her mummy... Well, I don't blame the mother... she's tried her best... also becoz she's one of my best friends, and I know how hard her life has been... but, it's juz so ironic... when life seems so complicated, and when u think of it again, it kindda simple if we don't try to please everyone...
It's juz a lesson I've got from yesterday...

Lately, I've been trying to work out what I need to do in life...
Not sure which way I should go... I try to make the best and wisest decision I can make by considering the advices I've received from friends and relatives... but in the end, I'm goin no where... ohhh, so frustrating!! >_<
Hahaha... I sounded so like sumone who don't have faith in God...
I kind of know why I'm so confused, it's becoz I don't know what I'm looking for in life... I haven't found my purpose and therefore I don't know where to go coz I haven't decide on the destination yet...
I know I don't want to live for money, coz I have heard so many stories about ppl and money...
Neiher fame and power.... What I wanna do is helping people... give hope to others... show love to the unloved... but I don't know what to do or where to start... and I'm far from an angel... I'm such an evil sumtimes that I don't think I will be able to do it...

Anyway... That's an update news bout my life... ;)

Father's Love Letter

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1)

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2)

I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3)

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31)

For you were made in my image. (Genesis 1:27)

In me you live and move and have your being.(Acts 17:28)

For you are my offspring. (Acts 17:28)

I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5)

I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12)

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:15-16)

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. (Acts 17:26)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)

And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6)

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. (John 8:41-44)

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16)

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. (1 John 3:1)

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1)

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11)

For I am the perfect father. (Matthew 5:48)

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. (James 1:17)

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33)

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. (Psalms 139:17-18)

And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40)

For you are my treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5)

I desire to establish youwith all my heart and all my soul. (Jeremiah 32:41)

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

For it is I who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13)

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18)

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Isaiah 40:11)

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. (Revelation 21:3-4)

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. (Revelation 21:3-4)

I am your Father,
and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. (John 17:23)

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. (John 17:26)

He is the exact representation of my being. (Hebrews 1:3)

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you. (Romans 8:31)

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. (1 John 4:10)

I gave up everything I lovedthat I might gain your love. (Romans 8:31-32)

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. (1 John 2:23)

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. (Romans 8:38-39)

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.(Luke 15:7)

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.(Ephesians 3:14-15)

My question is…
Will you be my child? (John 1:12-13)

I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)

Love,
Your Dad
Almighty God